I will never forget the day the phone rang with the news that there had been an accident. I rushed to the hospital to see my aunt lying in a hospital bed in a coma, her body broken in a million pieces. She had suffered a traumatic brain injury after crashing shortly after leaving her office. At first I had been filled with relief to see her alive, but her medical team soon made it clear that her prognosis was not promising. We could expect news over the next 48 hours, but it likely wouldn’t be good.
So we waited. After a few days, it seemed like she was on the up and up. There had been no further decline, she was taken off the ventilator, and she even began to open her eyes. To us, it seemed like incredible progress, but to her medical team, her prognosis was still grim. We saw the need for rejoicing, but they saw the need for end-of-life decisions.
The hospital staff advocated for hospice, but they had to offer aggressive treatment as an option. My aunt was young, and to the non-healthcare professional, she appeared to be turning a corner. We chose to continue aggressive treatment and kept her in the hospital.
She stayed in the hospital for months receiving dialysis, physical therapy, several orthopedic surgeries and countless tests. Eventually we saw what her medical team had seen in the first few days after her accident – my aunt was never going to recover. Finally, we decided to put her on hospice. When we brought her home, the hospice team set up a bed in the center of her living room and our entire family gathered there. I had equated hospice with just hours or days left to live, but we were able to spend weeks gathered in that room. The care we received from our hospice team was so great that my aunt was actually happy again. Her symptoms began to improve and she even smiled for the first time in a very long while.
Looking back I wonder why we didn’t elect hospice earlier. I wonder if she was angry that we put her through months of aggressive treatments. I wonder if we all would have been happier. I wonder what the doctors could have said to make us change our minds. I wonder why I thought choosing hospice meant giving up hope.
Ultimately, hospice care was the only real hope we had. Hospice care redefines hope in a difficult situation. Choosing hospice is facing humanity’s inevitable reality and accepting the best available care.
End-of-life decisions are painful and difficult to make. Luckily, there are teams of end-of-life experts who are here to walk beside us. Hospice nurses, aides, physicians and volunteers will love you, care for you, and support you as you continue to hope for a better tomorrow.